Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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