dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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