It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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