listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
