Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
