All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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