You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
