my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize