he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
