Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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