She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
