I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
A+ Viking dick
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
