Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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