I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
