bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
