So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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