I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
