Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My ass is underappreciated
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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