What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
