i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
