I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
