Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you would pick up someone in the library
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
