Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So vagazzling was a success
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
