I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
