entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
