when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
