I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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