would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
