Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
