I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
