Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
