So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
