I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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