i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Randomize
