did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
