That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
