in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
