We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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