It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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