2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
