I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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