The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
