I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think I just shit out all my problems.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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