You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
