Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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