She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
