Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
