I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
it glows. i had to have it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
