at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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