Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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