A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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