I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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