we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
