Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
