College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
