It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I can't put those talents on a resume
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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