I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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