Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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