i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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