actually, I'm a sock model
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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