Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
