I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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