Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
