She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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