spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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