I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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